Apologies for past infidelities, retirement party expectations, and length of Zoom calls


Dear Amy:

Many years ago I had an affair with my best friend’s (and colleague’s) wife. This incident ended my marriage, but somehow they managed to keep it together. they are still together.

We all live in the same city, but our paths rarely cross, but when they do, we all act like we don’t know each other. We haven’t exchanged a single word since the incident ended.

I’d really like to apologize for the part I played in this mess, but I don’t know if it helps at this point. I don’t know how bringing this topic up again after a while will affect their relationship.

This thought has prevented me from proceeding with the apology. Do you think it’s appropriate to write a letter of apology to both of them? – Guilty Guy

Dear Guilty Person:

I don’t think writing an apology letter is always appropriate, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write an apology letter. You should ask very carefully why you want to do this and consider the possible unintended consequences for this couple.

In short, who are you doing this for? Communicating an apology may certainly help you, but is there a way it can help them? It’s admirable that you regretted and accepted responsibility, but if you’re asking for forgiveness, you should start by forgiving yourself.

You did something very unfortunate that caused some serious consequences. Contacting this couple can get them back in their lives, at least temporarily. An apology letter probably won’t make the occasional meeting more comfortable, but if you choose to write an apology letter, it’s not two people, but a friend and a former colleague who is betraying you. It seems to me that I should send it to my husband who helped me. they.

Also, you didn’t say how you dealt with betraying your ex-wife, but writing her an apology letter would be a very good idea. I wholeheartedly support her efforts to make amends to her.

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