Many years ago I had an affair with my best friend’s (and colleague’s) wife. This incident ended my marriage, but somehow they managed to keep it together. they are still together.
We all live in the same city, but our paths rarely cross, but when they do, we all act like we don’t know each other. We haven’t exchanged a single word since the incident ended.
I’d really like to apologize for the part I played in this mess, but I don’t know if it helps at this point. I don’t know how bringing this topic up again after a while will affect their relationship.
This thought has prevented me from proceeding with the apology. Do you think it’s appropriate to write a letter of apology to both of them? – Guilty Guy
Dear Guilty Person:
I don’t think writing an apology letter is always appropriate, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write an apology letter. You should ask very carefully why you want to do this and consider the possible unintended consequences for this couple.
In short, who are you doing this for? Communicating an apology may certainly help you, but is there a way it can help them? It’s admirable that you regretted and accepted responsibility, but if you’re asking for forgiveness, you should start by forgiving yourself.
You did something very unfortunate that caused some serious consequences. Contacting this couple can get them back in their lives, at least temporarily. An apology letter probably won’t make the occasional meeting more comfortable, but if you choose to write an apology letter, it’s not two people, but a friend and a former colleague who is betraying you. It seems to me that I should send it to my husband who helped me. they.
Also, you didn’t say how you dealt with betraying your ex-wife, but writing her an apology letter would be a very good idea. I wholeheartedly support her efforts to make amends to her.
Last month, the spouse of a longtime friend texted me and my spouse to “save a date” for an upcoming surprise retirement party. The text included the venue, date and time. My spouse and I both replied the same day and said we would both be attending.
I received a follow-up text regarding the timing of my arrival. The text also included information on the elaborate menu, and it was written that wine was included. We were both shocked to learn that guests had to bring $50 cash or a check to pay for their meal and wine. There is also a cash bar.
Nowhere in the details did it say “no gifts allowed”. we are speechless. What’s the polite way to decline attendance? We both don’t want to go now. – upset
I think you should carefully consider whether you really want to withdraw from this event. Yes, the parameters don’t match what you were expecting, but you might end up regretting it if you didn’t go.
Think of it this way. If you and your spouse took a longtime friend out to dinner to celebrate this retirement, you would receive a check for the retirement friend’s dinner, which would cost you at least $100 to celebrate. .
And if you don’t feel like it, you’re not obligated to bring a gift to your retirement dinner (although you must bring your card). However, if you are unable or unwilling to pay for this party, you should immediately text your spouse and say: Just in time for the party. We apologize for the confusion and hope you have a wonderful evening. ”
“Seeking Family Connections” was trying to keep the extended family’s monthly Zoom calls going. Why does their call take him an hour?I get my far-flung family together for a 10-15 minute Zoom call so everyone can check in. I was fortunate enough to be able to manage even that with various schedules. I found that doing so kept the connections I had missed by living far apart without being afraid to spend an hour on it. – Mary, MD
I came up with a possible solution. Maybe “Seeking”‘s commitment to Zoom has simply been too long.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook. can also do.)
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